It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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