She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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