Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
