dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
