weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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