So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
