Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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