My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
how does that bad decision feel?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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