just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
