You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
