come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am spending my child support on dildos
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
