Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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