Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
