my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
