he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
