I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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