is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
