just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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