i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
