and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
