I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
