youre lurking in front of me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
