i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
