So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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