Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
