He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
