The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
