don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
