i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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