I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
