Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
