I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
