so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
