I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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