if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
