I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
