Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
