remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
