Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
