she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
