If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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