I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
