we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
