Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
