There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So vagazzling was a success
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
