Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
