Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
