apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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