Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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