I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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