he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
